When The Husband Tells You To Shut Up


This month, we celebrate Jaysen’s “freedom anniversary”.  That was fast.  It didn’t feel that much different, he is still busy, juggling many things at once (too many, in my opinion).  If we had earlier envisioned that he will have a more laid-back, steady pace, we couldn’t be any more wrong.  His days are busy or busier, that our weekdays blur into weekends.  Unwittingly, I am dragged into some work without getting paid! ☺  That is not to say he doesn’t get to enjoy this new set-up.  While he still wakes up early for some paperwork, he can opt to “rest” for two hours and catch up on some NBA play-off action.  This also means our conversations take turn from pedestrian to business in a heartbeat.  While I totally enjoy this, it seems that the feeling isn’t mutual. Boo. ☹

A few days ago, as we were having one of those “daily recap” turned business conversations over dinner, Jaysen abruptly said: “Sometimes I don’t want to talk about business with you”.  I was startled at the unexpected revelation, and then hurt.  Before releasing my mega-superpower Haduken at him, I gently asked for the reason behind this sentiment.  His response: “I left my job because I didn’t want to be answering to a boss anymore. It feels like I have a boss again when you ask questions.” Seriously? This guy must be out of it.  Whoever said that men are Mars and women from Venus knows what he’s talking about.  I mean, it took Jaysen FIVE years to figure out.  It will take more than a resignation to get away from THE boss. Death or annulment is necessary to escape the REAL boss. Hahaha. Just kidding! (You know what they say about jokes.)

Jokes aside, I felt bad that Jaysen didn't feel as comfortable talking to me as I do to him.  He said that most of the time when he shares something, he really just wants me to listen.  He doesn't need me to solve his problems or track the progress of his projects. He is more than capable of doing that himself.  Responding to my endless questions makes Jaysen feel worse than presenting a business plan.  If something is unanswered or unsatisfactory, I will zoom in like a hound.  It frustrates him so much that he refuses to talk some more.  My bad.

From now on, any thoughts and unsolicited advice will be kept and locked inside my head to rot. I will try to zip it, even if it causes me to break out in hives.  I will be that wife who will nod and smile benignly and cling to every word even when I am frantically coming up with a plan in my head (just in case he asks!).  I will resist even if I lose the opportunity to declare "I knew it!" or gloating an "I told you so".  :) Proving that I'm right isn't really important (most of the time I'm right, ha!).  Things eventually will fall into place, at no great expense (I hope).  If there's anything I've learned from this, it's that JUST listening is enough. I guess the age old adage remains to be true.  One doesn't have to come up with a solution to everything, one just needs to be there.