Six Months After Leaving His Career: Is life how we imagined it to be?
It’s been a little more than half a year since Jaysen left his job. I imagined that we’ll have more lazy days than frantic ones. I was never more wrong. Granted that his scheduled is more flexible than mine, but he also thinks time is flexible. This freedom, his blank slate, tempts him to fill it to the brim. Then, we’re back to juggling too many things at once. Not that I’m complaining. In fact, it excites me that he explores the infinite possibilities and opportunities before him. It thrills me that he sets out to uncomfortable territory to try an make a mark. But it’s a lot of work. Leaving his job didn’t remove the pressure, it is replaced by a different kind of pressure. Whatever it is he’s doing, it’s his. Whatever it is, he owns it. He doesn’t have to to explain to anyone (except me, of course) but also no one to blame if things don’t work. It’s exhilarating and crippling at the same time. There is no safety net. I realized that when you work yourself, you are not proportionately rewarded by the effort you put in. There are times when put in so much into a project that turn out to be nothing and other when put in just enough and the rewards are great. There are no guarantees. It’s your business to run, your mistakes to make. But the best thing about it is you get to choose which adventure you want to take on. With Jaysen exploring a couple of businesses, I was unwittingly dragged into the tornado of activities. When I thought I could have quiet nights and relaxing weekends, I find myself as his sidekick. There are days when I am his secretary, unsolicited adviser, all-around logistics person. Lately, when I want nothing more than to organize our upcoming trip’s itinerary, I find myself on the floor packing uniforms, reconciling, and tracking deliveries. I thought the reason he left his corporate job was to take it easy, yet here he is running crazy the last four weeks. When he said he wants to “take it easy”, I think what he really meant was I want to do something that makes all the craziness worth it. It’s about loving what you do that you don’t mind the pressure. It’s not about slacking off or being lazy. It’s about being certain that what you’re doing now is a step towards your goal. In fact, I’ve never seen Jaysen clock in so much work hours, ever. He works late into the early hours of the morning and wakes up with me as I prepare for work. Because, hey, this is the best time to have no house help! :) Not. :) But I never heard him complain or wish that he’s back in the corporate world. He knows that whatever extra effort he puts in, we benefit from it. This not only in terms of money, but friendships and relationships built, gaining varying insights from different people and learning from experiences. Something that the confines of the corporate world may not be able to afford him.
For myself, I don’t resent the extra time he spends on work, even if it’s on a date night or a weekend. In fact, I enjoy it because I get to be a part of it. I see him flourish in what he is doing. He lets me help and contribute to what he is dong. So even if it’s “work”, it’s still bonding time. I feel like, together, we are building something. We do not always agree on how we do things, in fact we often disagree than agree. But it’s interesting how we challenge each other’s business style. Most of the time, we just agree to disagree.
We continue to pray that God guides us in our decisions so that we don’t take on too much. Three days ago, while trying to organize everything through a series of meetings before we leave, Jaysen fell hard and hit his face on a table surface in a coffeeshop. It was hard enough to cause a cut on his face and knuckles and require an x-ray to make sure nothing is broken. Thank God he is okay apart from the cuts and a bruised ego. It was a painful reminder to go slowly and put perspective and focus to what he is doing. God is good. He continues to provide for us and gives Jaysen opportunities to explore and learn. He also gave us people who believes in us and are willing to support us in our journey. We are far from successful, we are still learning how to get there. Slowly but surely.